A Twisted Little Blog About Beautiful Flowers… AND DEATH

WARNING: THIS IS NOT THE TYPICAL FAIRY TALE-TYPE BLOG I GENERALLY TEND TO WRITE.. IT’S DARK.. EERIE… FILLED WITH FORESHADOWINGS OF DEATH AND HARM. SLIGHTLY LESS THAN EVIL THOUGH. (IT HAS FLOWERS LOL) YOU WON’T BURN IN HELL FOR READING IT OR ANYTHING…( ALTHOUGH I BELIEVE THERE IS A FIRE SOMEWHERE TOWARD THE END) GO ON.. YOU KNOW YOU’RE DYING TO SEE WHAT THE HELL I’VE COME UP WITH NOW, AREN’T YOU? LOL)

The Setting: It was a dark and stormy night. (Dun, dun, dun!) Steady falling rain pelted everything in sight, making it difficult to hear anything other than the loud crashes of thunder accompanying its buddy Mr. Flash Lightening. So what to do?  Beautiful night for a stroll, don’t you think? (You may want to leave that umbrella at home though…from what I’ve learned, lightning is not the best friend of anything with a long metal rod through its center!)  And relax.. trust me, you won’t melt. Walking in the rain can be quite cleansing… invigorating, even. Enjoy the moment. Nature in all its splendor. Why fear it? Go outside and have a look around (just beware the occasional ball of hail that’s looking for just the right person to nail in the eye.. he he he.. if you’re deserving you know who you are :P)

The cast members: Rain is simply a necessity for feeding the beauty of the earth. It tends to make colours pop and washes away outer layers of filth that tend to build up when we’re out every other day taking sunshine for granted. The damage will be minimal. Sure, some flowers will have their petals washed away and others may even be uprooted in the downpour. But if that’s the case then perhaps they were in the wrong place to begin with. The strong ones… the true ones with roots that reach deep into the earth, that have already found perfect compatibility with another… even entwined their roots together to become even stronger. Those will remain. They are there because they want to be, need to be even. They’ve found their place in the world and so plan to remain throughout their lifespan. They are not manufactured to look a certain way. They are not trying to outgrow all the others around them, taking over as much space as possible… testing their boundaries. They are simply there to add to the pre-existing landscape that’s already set the backdrop. They can expand and flourish without damaging others.  They are friends. No ulterior motives.. no competition for who goes where. They’ve settled quite nicely and seem to be accepted by those surrounding them. Their uniqueness adds to the overall amazing picture that is life.

The evil villan : It is only when one ‘flower’ tries to butt out another in the group to get what looks to be a more appealing spot in the soil that things will start to run amuck. It’s often a seemingly innocent nudge.. a little ‘whoops.. I bumped into you.. sooo sorry my friend.’ And sometimes that’s that. The intruding flower realizes that the others are already quite happy where they are and that it can be a part of the big picture and be loved by all for who it is, that it doesn’t need to overpower any others on the hillside to be happy. And they all live and grow as neighbours… friends. Happy little flowers. 😀

The ever-thickening plot: HOWEVER…if this flower tries it out again. Decides that it really wants that one particular spot in the ground and only pretends to like the others in the group so it can root its way around easier… maybe it’s even friendly and tries not to nudge during daylight hours, simply campaigns to the rest of the group, or even just the gardener, that her petals might be better suited for the attractive spot where flower #1 resides… THEN there might be problems. The newer flower just may begin to get recognition as a bully flower… a weed even. And believe me.. you don’t want to be the weed in the flower garden. because sooner or later the gardener will eliminate your ass. Perhaps he’ll try cutting you back just a little. Get out the razor-sharp shears and take off a couple of limbs.. I mean leaves… and if that doesn’t work, you still haven’t quite learned your place in the group, then maybe a mild poisoning…you’ll drink it up in your roots and die little by little throughout the night whilst you sleep. And if you are still sucking up carbon dioxide in the end (you ARE a plant in this metaphor.. that’s what you live on naturally)… if you are a really freakin stubborn sort of weed.. eventually he’ll just have to rip you out of the ground with a big gloved hand and toss you in a burn pile to get rid of you once and for all. Whatever the route though, rest assured, you won’t be around for long once word gets out that you are an evil, devious, undeserving weed. (Dun, dun, duunnn!)

The moral of the story: hmmmm… which one to use? Do unto others as you would have them do unto you? Don’t shit on your own doorstep? What goes around comes around? It’s better to have a few good friends than lots of fake ones?  Weed out all the negative influences in your life and you really can live happily ever after? How about.. bring on the rain! I am not going anywhere! (and I certainly don’t mean literally.. I would quite happily let someone stick me in a nice big pot and ship me across the Atlantic to live with my better half… just a matter of time though):D

oh yeah… and have a nice day everyone! lol 😛

OMG… I live in a Disney Cartoon!

 (stars shining bright above you… night breezes seem to whisper “I love you”… Birds singing in the sycamore tree… dream a little dream of me.)

So I’ve come to yet another amazing discovery about my life. It is set within a Disney Movie! I’m sure of it…Now I’m not sure which one it is, but I can guarantee it ends with: “and they lived happily ever after” .. I bet you’re wondering how I came to this (no doubt, perfectly normal) conclusion, aren’t you? well lucky for you I’m willing to talk. 😉 Are you sitting comfortably? Need a cup of tea or anything before I begin? Go on. I’ll wait… Just kidding.. I’m soooo not waiting.  I just might burst with anticipation if I did that, don’t you think? I mean here I sit with all these thoughts in my head (and bite me…. don’t even go there. I DO have thoughts, strange as they may be) and if I don’t put them into my computer whilst they are floating on the surface of my brain,… well, um then my doctors won’t be able to properly diagnose me and then medicate me accordingly, will they? and God knows I don’t need to go un-medicated any longer than absolutely necessary, so here it goes…

(say “nighty-night” and kiss me. Just hold me tight and tell me you’ll miss me. While I’m alone and blue as can be.. Dream a little dream of me.)

My life is a Disney movie…ok so a little bit of a twisted one, but filmed within a magical kingdom nonetheless. I walk around all day singing, whistling, and just smiling at my own happy thoughts. I don’t stop and compose myself just because someone else crosses my path. If they want to sing along or dance even, I encourage that. If they just want to walk on by and roll their eyes at the ‘crazy lady’ I’m fine with that as well. But I guarantee they’d enjoy life a bit more if they did the former.  Happiness can be contagious and that’s not a bad thing.

 (Stars fading, but I linger on dear. Still craving your kiss. I’m longing to linger ’til dawn, dear. Just saying thi-i-i-i-is… sweet dreams ’til sunbeams find you. Sweet dreams that leave your worries behind you. But in your dreams, whatever they be… dream a little dream of me)

-alright… enough with the singing… getting on with it…

So I had my window open the other day, and could hear the birds singing… not just annoying chirping, but singing. Really they were.. not sure what tune, but they’d throw in the name Simon quite often just to keep my attention. And then I looked up at the window as droplets of rain were starting to fall. But I didn’t see rain or clouds. Instead, all that I could think about were beads of water dripping down skin just after a long, hot shower. (ok so it’s not exactly a G-rated Disney film, is it? lol. but I’m not going any more in-depth on that thought. Just brushing the surface so you get my overall state of mind. lol)

And when I clean the dining room at work every day I see these little marks on the floor just beside the window.. deer tracks!  (I’m sure of it) but not panicky tracks, more like happy little dancing deer tracks. lol. No doubt from the little animal party they’ve had when someone left the door slightly ajar one night they closed up for the evening. lol. It’s the only logical explanation.

I found my prince. He rode in on his white .. um.. airplane and promptly swept me off my feet. I’m absolutely head-over-heels in love and want the world to know that perfect men do exist. You just may have to search the outside your own area code to find one. But yes.. incredible man with a magical kiss, who is just as in love with me as I am him. The stuff fairy tales are made of.. and most likely the cause of euphoric feelings that lead me to being happy all the damn time and believe that birds are singing to me, rain or shine. I mean, granted, twisted Walt Disney just had to mix it up a little bit by drawing a line between us and placing immigration security guards on either side, but perhaps this was simply in order to prevent sensory overload. I mean, if I feel this good at just the thought of things to come, I have no doubt that I would have exploded or something if I had been granted unlimited access to the man of my dreams from the very day he found me. Yes, moderation is probably a good start. lol

So I’ll patiently wait for my prince to return. I will hear the birds and see the sun shining, even on rainy days. I’ll keep dancing to the beat of my own drum.. or heartbeat.. or maintenance man hammering somewhere down the hallway. lol. whatever the noise, I’ll be dancing to it. And when night falls, I’ll continue to wish upon a star. Maybe even take a magic carpet ride or two. And I won’t stop smiling. Can’t stop smiling. I’m in love and loving every minute of it. I really do hope that every one of you get the chance at some point in your life to experience this kind of intense feelings with somebody. Sorry.. I know I keep going on about it, but it’s just incredible. I even ‘meow’ed at a bird yesterday afternoon. (lol, don’t ask) and it didn’t even flinch. just kept walking along on the ground beside me like he gets that sort of thing every day. That thought made me giggle a bit, but neither here nor there. And although I half expected him to, he didn’t fly up on my shoulder and begin tweetle-dee-ing along to one of the many songs floating around in my head. But he didn’t fly away or attack me either, so I enjoyed the moment.

 (dream a little dream of me.. da da da da, da da daaa… dee dee dee dee doo doo dooo daaa  la ta da daa dooo doo waa…. )

~Live, Love,  Laugh, AND SING! lol

Poker Face

OK so here’s another unusual perspective on life. (Brought to you courtesy of my own mind. :D)

Picture, if you will, the world as a giant poker table- Texas hold ’em of course. Your life is literally in your own hands. How you decide to play it is up to you. Anything can happen. Some people choose to fold it in too soon, write themselves off after a few rough patches of luck, and  decide that actively participating is not for them. They’ll stop playing and watch, maybe even get a cat instead. Or a bunch of cats. No offense to the cat people of the world. I’m sure they are just as nice to have as human companions. Really I am. *(insert sarcastic look here):S

Or maybe you want to play… sort of. If you always look at your hand with a certainty that whoever raises must have a  better hand, then you’ll never even call the blinds to see what could happen. Is that the kind of life you want to live? one of uncertainty and cowardice? Maybe you all get dogs. Just for story purposes. lol. You get outside now and again for walking and exercise, but only because the doggie’s there to protect you from the bad guys.

And let’s not forget about the other end of the spectrum. We’ll call him the bingo player (often sat in the ‘silly fucker’ seat if you know what i mean;)) This one just crosses the fine line between taking chances and being stupid. He will quite happily go all in every hand with any 2 cards at every single opportunity and suffer the consequences.(NOTE: Sillyfucker Bingoplayer will win the occasional pot with a high card, but playing their life in this manner will certainly end his game sooner or later-and bruise him up along the way. Don’t be this guy. At least make sure there’s water in the pool before you jump off the diving board)

Enjoy the game as it plays out. Keep your eyes open. See what’s on the table and what you have to contribute to make a hand. Take chances, but in moderation. Play fair and don’t be a sore loser. Or a bad winner for that matter. You’re not  better than anyone else. The cards simply haven’t fallen in their favor yet. Patience.

So let’s face it, we’re all gonna have to muck a few hands before we find our royal flush, but once you have it, glowing at you every time you look at it, the entire game suddenly becomes super exciting and brilliantly planned out. Try as you might, most won’t be able to keep their poker face. Even if you don’t smile with your lips, your eyes will give it away. Others can call you out or not. No matter at this point. YOU WIN. Some will show their hand immediately, eager to display their victory. Others will enjoy a few moments of silent satisfaction and awe before they unveil their masterpiece. But once it’s there, you know it’s gotta be all in baby!

(Simon is my royal flush if some of you are a little slow and/or getting a bit lost in the interpretation of this obviously well thought out analogy. lol —hearts no doubt! 😛 I love you Hunni. Did I mention I’m all in?)

Happy gambling everyone. Be lucky 😉

10 Things I miss About England

1. Simon.  (ok so that’s a given. I only tell an average of 10 people a day how much i miss my sweetheart.. could go into a little sub-category and list 100 things that I miss about my Simon, but I’ll spare him the embarrassment at this time ;))

2. Cute little English words and phrases like ‘oi!’… ‘tickety-boo’…’ta da’…’cheers’…’rubbish’…’ taking the mickey’…’job done’…  and of course everybody’s favorite: ‘bloody hell’, lol. lots of others too, but I’m trying to keep this short and sweet.

3. The letter u. lol. I think Americans well underestimate the power of the letter. colour… flavour…honour… don’t they just look a bit more elegant and seem to flow off the tongue a bit sweeter with that u added?  lol. I was getting quite used to seeing it in newspapers and magazines and still catch myself adding it now. Of course our American spell-check tends to virtually scream at me for doing so.

4. Colors. Everything in England seemed a little bit brighter. Little bit happier. Little bit more alive. Even on a rainy day. Maybe more so on a rainy day. Colors seem to pop. People tended to their gardens with a bit more pride (and by gardens, I’m referring to their yards. Flowers everywhere. Trees trimmed.Grass cut… just beautiful everywhere you look)

5. British people. 😀 True story. We don’t have very many in the USA. I can’t quite pinpoint it, but its very likely something in the combined politeness and humor, and no doubt the accent. I constantly find myself being drawn to anything showing on the BBC channel watching Hugh Grant films, just to reminisce a little. I get a little bit excited when I conclude that a character on a television show is English and impressed that I picked up on it from, not only the accent, but words used and how things are stated- Cal Lightman on lie to me, for example. I miss the television adverts even. Think the BBC channel should at the very least include English commercials.

6. The lack of insects. Bees. Spiders. Flies. Gnats. They have them, just not very many. You can actually go for a nice long stroll and never get one in your eye or choke on a single bug.  And mosquitoes? They don’t live in England! true story. Its not quite humid enough for the little vampires so they don’t even go there.

7. curry… yummy, yummy curry. I’m going to make one soon. Really I am. (also miss proper English mustard, tea, cheese, bread, and lattes, and wine gum- just to name a few. And yes I know we have cheese and tea and bread here in the states but they’re just not the same)

8. The concern for nature and the earth. Conserving water and energy. Recycling. Public transportation. Call them crazy, but the Brits seem to want their decedents to inherit the earth. not a big pile of rubble and an unbelievable monetary debt for said pile. I’m telling you.. we could learn a thing or two.

9. People of all ages spending time OUTSIDE. Of free will. I know, right? Almost unheard of in the states these days. English air must be far less toxic than ours. Has to be. It can’t be that Americans are just lazy bastards, can it?

10. Brick Houses. Its rare to see anything else in England. Beautiful, lasting, brick homes. No need to worry that the next big wind is going to take your north wall with it. There’s a bit more holding it together than plywood and plasterboard. Hellooo… the three little pigs… straw, sticks, or bricks? My 4 year old nephew could tell you which one the sensible pig chose.

Eureka! I’m not crazy… Just in love.

OMG! I just figured it out. Here’s me going through my days having people tell me left, right, and center that I’ve lost a plot or that I really should visit planet earth now and again at least to keep up appearances and all the while if I’d have just listened to the voices I would have been able to state my case on the contrary. lol. O.K., so maybe not ALL the voices. he he he. but Dean Martin’s.  And yes I am going to tell you what he said. Alright, alright. so technically he didn’t talk to me. It was more like a serenade. lol. Here it is and how it applies to me:

He said: ‘ …When the moon hits your eye, Like a big-a pizza pie, That’s amore‘  (now I cannot guarantee that it was the moon, but something definitely flew into my left eye the other day whilst I was walking along, and it practically blinded me. The moon is pretty bright even from all the way down here on earth, so you can just imagine actually gettin a bit in your eye!)

and then ol’ Dean continued on to say…  ‘When the world seems to shine, like you’ve had too much wine, that’s amore‘ (Now I get asked all the damn time if I’m drunk and I do love shiny things, so I have no doubt that my eyes might seem to glaze over now and again when I’m thinking about my Simon and the times to come when I actually get permission to cross through the freakin’ security gates at the airport -but neither here nor there…THAT’S a whole new blog in itself.)

Bells’ll ring, Ting-a-ling-a-ling , Ting-a-ling-a-ling, And you’ll sing “Vita bella” and yeah i realize that this could quite easily become a very long blog, so I’m going to paraphrase the rest.. here. I’ll just make the list of things I tend to do and you can listen to the song  if you need to hear it from the man himself. lol

1)I randomly sing out VITA BELLA! -even though I have no idea what it means. I only speaka the English if you want to know the truth of it 😀 2) if you ever listen to my heartbeat with a stethoscope, it will say tippi-tippi-tay,tippi-tippi-tay… the doc calls it an irregular heartbeat, but Dean insists that’s amore!  3)sometimes I drool-not necessarily over pasta fazool, since I’ve never had it-but I do nonetheless. 4) I often dance down the street with a cloud at my feet.. which I have determined must be what keeps tripping me because I fall down a lot! lol

Ok, ok honestly though. I do feel like I’m walking in a dream, but I assure you that Simon is quite a real person and I really do think he’s perfect in every way imaginable so I know I’m not dreaming, Signore. (True story) And I think you will see, back in old Napoli, that’s amore! That’s amooree… dun dun dun!

so see? In conclusion.. I’m definitely not crazy. Just absolutely and completely, head-over-heels, really and truly, unconditionally and forever in love!   Nothing wrong with that. Love’s an amazing feeling. Everybody should be so lucky 😉

The Green-Eyed Monster

Have you ever listened to the words to the song,  ‘Save the last dance for me’? I really like that tune. It conveys a very rare confidence in a partnership that you just don’t come across anymore. “you can dance- every dance with the guy, who gives you the eye, let him hold you tight. And you can smile- every smile for the man, who held your hand beneath the pale moonlight. But don’t forget who’s taking you home and in who’s arms you’re gonna be…Oh darling, save the last dance for me.”

It just makes me smile to think that someone can be that confident in a relationship without letting the jealousy creep in that tends to start so many fights between couples nowadays.What is it exactly that makes us have jealous feelings anyway? Is it due to past experiences where we were left for another, or cheated on for whatever reason? Or maybe it’s due to lack of experience or being insecure in ourselves in such a way that we don’t think we’re worth a lasting relationship. But if that’s the case then we can’t really expect any partnership to become strong enough to last through the the ups and downs of getting to really know one another.

I think that it has to start with ourselves. We have to know who we are and learn to love everything we are and do. If you don’t like something then change it. Lots of people may say that you can’t just change. But think about it.. you can. Don’t like the way you look? Get a haircut or colour. Stop eating so much.. or at least change the things you do eat. Take a breath a bit more often and think before you speak. You choose your own attitude by thinking the thoughts you do and reacting to those thoughts in whatever manner you choose to. Be a better person. At the end of the day can you really expect anyone else to like you any more than you like yourself? Confidence is an attractive quality in a person. Confidence-not conceitedness. Value yourself but don’t forget to respect and value others as well.

I struggle sometimes to keep myself in check. To not get jealous over something so insignificant as seeing my sweetheart talking or laughing with someone else. We all know that it feels good to be chatted up now and again. To be told that we are attractive or in some way appealing to others. I know that my man is tall, dark, and handsome. That he’s easy to talk to- kind and thoughtful, understanding and interesting. All that and more is why i fell in love with him after all.  But it’s certainly no reason to feel insecure in myself. In fact, couldn’t all those reasons and more be why I should glow when I see somebody trying to chat him up? Because at the end of the day, I know that  out of all the women in this whole entire world… He chose me 🙂

So like the song basically says…. Don’t forget the one you love-the one who loves you- the one who’s arms you get to fall asleep in every night ’til the end of time. Let them dance and be danced with.. And all-the-while you can smile with the satisfaction of knowing that they love you. Don’t let jealousy cloud your judgment. Be confident in yourself and your relationship and see what a difference it makes.